My heart was meant for you,
I asked for you to break it in two.
So you could have a piece and so could I.
I'll love you until the day I die.
So we moved into your apartment;
I gave you my heart and meant it.
We both took a huge step and a stand;
we held each other hand in hand.
My heart bleeds for you.
My heart will always be in two.
My heart will always beat for you.
My heart will always believe in you.
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Lordgluzman has a point there
a poetry such as this needs more words in it
i felt like it ended at the same pointe it started
(these where my favorite lines)
My heart was meant for you,
I asked for you to break it in two.
So you could have a piece and so could I.
I'll love you until the day I die.
my heart i will split in two, so i would have a piece and so could you-- that is very, very
creative
I liked it. But you need to make your poetry to be longer. Then I will really like it and give you a ster. But dont be sad. I still got the point and enjoyed it but you need it to be longer so I could give you a star.
Sometimes you don't get poetry... sometimes you do... In this case it was an emotional rollercoaster. I don't care if you don't get it. If you don't get it you weren't mean to get it!
I dont get it.....
I think this would actually work better as song lyrics rather than poetry. It's still pretty "navel gazing" though. What I mean by that is, it focuses very hard on I, the narrator. Poetry needs to do something for the reader. People read poetry to feel something, to be made to think or change their opinions. Not to be blunt, but, they would read your blog if they wanted to hear about you. Poetry is a good form of personal expression, but the best poetry ever written usually isn't personal poetry, which is why you sometimes have to forget about yourself if you want to write poetry. You have to keep the reader in mind.
I hope that rant didn't bore you to death. ^_^
Consider ways to add imagery. On your other poem, I commented on imagery and metaphors and all that, I also gave you a link to a poem that I think you should read, so since I commented on that, I'll just say, take the advice and run with it. Put it to use on everything, this included.
Best of luck! If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.